Valentine's Day
by XGaaraxloverX
Summary: Just a short story about Gaara's feeling towards Valentine's Day. Warning mentions of cutting, hurt, anguish, sadness, heartache, and being broken on a day about love.


**This is basically a little story about how Valentine's Day makes me feel. So it is experienced through Gaara's eyes. Note that this is basically my life up until this point in time.**

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><p>-Gaara's POV-<p>

I always _hated_ Valentine's Day.

The sight of hearts, boxes with chocolate in it, kisses and hugs… It all made me _sick_. For one such as myself to never truly experience love… Maybe I am being a little over exaggerated on how it makes me feel.

For I never considered myself to be anywhere close to even nice looking, let alone beautiful. Whenever this day is coming up, even going to the store is a heartbreaker. Seeing all of those hearts and the color red and pink plastered all over breaks my heart and is only a reminder that I am alone.

I remember just a couple of days ago I went to a card store, and I actually had a few tears escape me when I opened a card that read I love you. I wish only to experience what that means from another person. For, those words have never been pronounced to me. I see all the time on television, shows on romance and I have read countless stories on love, but still have never once experienced it for myself.

I have never had that true love, first kiss, or a first hug for that matter. Most of the time I just stay up inside of my room, writing stories on romance, or making videos based on love. What an ironic twist. Probably if one of my stories were read by anyone, they probably would have thought that the author knew what love truly felt like.

But, no. The only thing I ever get on Valentine's Day is heartache. I can't remember when the last time I didn't cry on this day. I always think about my future on this day. Whenever I do, I always see myself being alone. I imagine, living in a small, small house with no one at my side. Sleeping in a twin bed still at the age of 40. And worst of all, dying alone.

I tried to be outgoing at my young age of 16 when I still was in high school, but my parents were extremely strict. I could only remember one real friend growing up. I only had one friend throughout my lifetime. Through kindergarten through 2nd grade, I remember having no friends whatsoever. Everyone seemed to hate me for a reason I still don't understand to this day.

When I moved, it got a little bit better. From 2nd to 7th I managed to achieve one friend at least. Then when I moved once more, it got a little better, until 12th grade. I lost touch with my friend I had last, and made a new friend during my first year of high school. One would think that this is the time to experiment, and start living. As I watched others, mingle in their love life and become popular. I knew that wasn't going to happen to me at all. I was still the only one to stay at home while everyone else went off and had fun. I just stayed in my room and cried silently and cut myself on some occasion.

Now that I am graduated from high school, I am 20 now. I have moved away from my parents home to attend college. I thought that this would be a new start for me. I could finally get out, and be my own person. But I was wrong. Because of all those years of solitude, I do not have any social skills whatsoever. I got laid off from my job, and couldn't afford to attend college when the next spring semester approached. I tried to file for financial aid, or a loan, but they didn't give me anything.

Now, Valentine's Day is here. I am broke, ugly, hungry, depressed, and brokenhearted. No one would hire me because of my lack of personal skills, and I do believe that it is because of the way I look as well.

I have even been stood up before at a prom on my senior year of high school.*just remembered* I was invited to the prom by a boy that I knew. So I paid for the tickets *both of them* and got myself the most dressed up I have ever been. I even felt… pretty… for the first time in my life.

So I went to the prom, and got inside. I sat at a table and waited for him to arrive. I glanced at the door repeatedly and every time someone came in, I would check. I waited for two whole hours, and noticed it was a set up when the teachers said it was time to leave. I have never felt my heart break more than ever than that day. Thanks to that, he ended my school year graduation with an upset reaction rather than a happy one.

I don't think I will ever understand the true meaning of love and what it feels like to be in love. But, oh how I would love to experience it just once. I would love to know how it feels to have that first hug by another who cares about you. I would love to know how it feels to have that first kiss. To hold hands with someone who doesn't care about how you look on the outside, but how you are on the inside.

I know it is just false hope, though. I can dream all I want, but I know that these feelings will never come true. I don't think I can ever, truly be happy.

I hope there is someone who can see through the ugliness I carry, and notice the real me on the inside. I only heard that it is extremely rare. Men these days only look on the outside of things. Most of the time only getting with others just to cheat and break up. With my fragile self, I don't think I could mentally handle it. Growing up over the years has made my heart turn into glass. One wrong move and it will shatter into pieces. Perhaps that is why I am so shielded away from others. I am afraid of what the negativity will bring.

I am afraid of the heartbreak. But also because of this, this has left me vulnerable. Getting a partner, and them knowing of this might just actually give them a reason to leave me. I am not one to go out and do as one might call "chill" with others.

I am a loner, but I know that deep down I do want someone to be with me. I really don't want to be alone forever. I am not sure, though, if I want to expose myself to that type of environment yet. Being alone for so long, already has damaged me to beyond the point of repair. I just hope that one day I can find someone who can cradle my glass heart, with love and affection. Also I hope that my inexperience won't scare others away. I know about love in the mental status, through the stories I read and wrote. But not at all the physical way. Hopefully, he won't run away to another who is more skilled at love, and leave me in a pile of my shattered glass; bleeding and completely brokenhearted.

I know that the one thing I do require from my partner is patience. I know that not many or no one for that matter is patient.

So here we are again, Valentine's Day. Here I am sitting alone in my room; my only true life is an online world on the internet. I don't talk to anyone though. I have seen all of those shows, about murder and the creeps that come from the internet. It is truly hard to find someone who is legit. On my profile, I have only my one friend from high school. That person is a grade older than me, so when I was in 12th grade that person left to go to college over 4 hours away from where I live. So basically I lost a friend. So I am basically considered alone with no friends. Also my profile is plastered with fake names and everything is nonya *Short for "none of your business"*. My name, where I am from, what school I go to. Nonya. Everything is Nonya. I even have a fake picture up as me. Nothing on that profile is real.

My so called "Friends" now, are my comments and reviews that I get on my stories that I write. Every day I check and see if I received a new comment on my stories. I check multiple times a day hoping that I got a comment on one my stories. My stories, now, are my life. I think it is the only thing that keeps me going now. It helps me cling onto that one glimmering piece of hope that one day I will find love. I just need to keep writing about it.

For the past four years, though, it hasn't been working. I would love to experience love now, before I get too old. I at least want to have my first kiss by the age of 30. I doubt it though. I see nothing for me in the future. Every time I think about it I get depressed. Probably because I know that no one could possibly ever love me for who I am.

An ugly, freak.

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><p><strong>…Happy Valentine's Day…<strong>


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